do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
