Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
