even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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