Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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