my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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