i just had sex bonerless
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
