Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
