The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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