Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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