My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
