My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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