I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
