the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize