Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
