I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
