oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
