dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
