I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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