my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
