I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
