My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't deserve a penis
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
