If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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