I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize