OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
