i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
