I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
