It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize