Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
