I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
