You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
