I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
