did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
