I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize