and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
the condom got lost in my hair
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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