Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
