Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
