I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
