i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Swine flu. Run for my life!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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