a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize