I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
