I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
