PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
