I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize