I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
