I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
