I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he thought i was a dude.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
