Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
