It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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