thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
