I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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