Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
