I bet he comes in French.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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