some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
