oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize