remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone came in the potted fern
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My dick has a subreddit
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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