You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
