you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
