Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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