i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
