I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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