Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
