I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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