Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
