all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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