my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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