put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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