im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
