she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
