I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
