plz talk dirty to me
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
