cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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