The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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