ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
