You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
