Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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