are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
