Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize