I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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