he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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