why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
two words...techno handjob
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
