sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
