You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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