my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
