Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I stole a fireplace last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
